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Nobody touches this desk. Understand? Because I'll know if you have. Right? And my god is a jealous god and he shall smite thee severely.
— Brian Lane, The Chinese Job

Brian Lane
Brian Lane
Physical Information
Name Brian Lane
Born c.1946 (aged ~74)
Portrayed by Alun Armstrong
First Appearance The Chinese Job
Final Appearance The Little Brother
Appearances see list
Occupational Information
Occupation Metropolitan Police Officer (1965-2000)

Private Detective (2013-)

Title Detective Inspector (retired)
Police Branch UCOS (2003-2013)
Family Information
Spouse Esther Lane
Children Mark Lane[1]Elaine Lane[2]
Other Theresa Lane (daughter-in-law)[3]
Mark Lane's Son (grandson)[4]
Scruffy (pet dog; deceased)
Scampi (pet dog)

Brian Lane (born c.1946), sometimes referred to as "Memory Lane", was a Detective Inspector for the Metropolitan Police Service, retiring in 2000. After realising that he did not enjoy retirement as well as the realisation that he would have access to police records, he decided to join UCOS. His original plan was to learn what had really happened to Anthony Kayne, and in the early days of his time with the team he harassed someone he believed to be in on the conspiracy to get rid of him. He would later be dismissed from the team in 2013 after inappropriately giving a tape to Sarah Kaye concerning the death of her son, Anthony Kaye. As of 2013 he is working as a Private Detective alongside his wife, Esther.

  • Sometime after his permanent dismissal from UCOS, he recommended Dan Griffin as a potential replacement, Sandra Pullman would later recruit him onto the team.[5]
  • Brian is mentally disabled in the sense that he has OCD and has the symptoms of ADHD and Autism.[6] He is also a recovering alcoholic and still attends Alcoholic Anonymous sessions.[7][8]
  • Brian is a big supporter of AFC Wimbledon to the extent that he wears the club's scarf and occasionally its shirt to work.
  • He was the first member of UCOS to be dismissed - Jack Halford resigned on the basis of health reasons and Sandra Pullman left to join a War Crimes team.[9] Two years later his former colleague, Gerry Standing, would also be dismissed.[10]
  • He owned a 1st generation "MacBook Pro" laptop[11] which he frequently takes to and from work. He has upgraded it at least once.
  • He had a Twitter account, going by the name "topcop999", but closed it after Sandra Pullman threatened to give him a disciplinary notice for becoming distracted and therefore risking the security of a vital operation. He was given the task of doing intelligence on the Maze Crew, but because of his new obsession he forgot and caused problems for the investigation.[12]
  • He is allergic to cats.[3]
  • He has a penguin tattooed on his left buttock.[13]
  • His handwriting is difficult to comprehend by others, including his wife, Esther.[14][15]


  1. Trust Me
  2. Home Truths
  3. 3.0 3.1 Nine Lives
  4. The Sins Of The Father
  5. Cry Me A River
  6. The Chinese Job
  7. The War Against Drugs
  8. Love Means Nothing In Tennis
  9. The Sins Of The Father
  10. Last Man Standing, Part One
  11. Bank Robbery
  12. Good Morning Lemmings
  13. Lady's Pleasure
  14. Home Truths
  15. The Little Brother
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